


stars and butterflies

by Lovelylime



Series: holding hands while the walls come tumbling down [2]
Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, overly dramatic teens continue to be in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 12:30:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18194621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovelylime/pseuds/Lovelylime
Summary: Everywhere she went, Kitty walked on air; metaphorically and sometimes literally. Her brief estrangement from Illyana had been horrible, but the aftermath gave her something she’d been afraid of hoping for. But now that she had it, had her deepest wish, she wasn’t really sure what to do with it.





	stars and butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello sorry this one isn't based off an 80s song, unfortunately

It was like a dam had burst in her heart. Everywhere she went, Kitty walked on air; metaphorically and sometimes literally. Her brief estrangement from Illyana had been horrible, but the aftermath gave her something she’d been afraid of hoping for. But now that she had it, had her deepest wish, she wasn’t really sure what to do with it. 

‘Yana made her so incandescently happy like no one else, but also made her clumsy and awkward and embarrassing like no one else. Kitty never knew what to do around her or when to do it. There’s been three incidents of Kitty phasing through the floor to avoid being caught, one of which involved her phasing directly into Professor Xavier’s bedroom. That one wasn’t fun. Trying to figure where to put her hands or how to make her palms stop sweating while also trying to avoid having to get The Talk from Logan, or heaven forbid, Scott, meant that Kitty spent as much time stressing over Illyana as she being giddy over Illyana. 

She was, in fact, stressing right now. She’d joined the New Mutants for their weekly Magnum P.I. night, and was sweating over whether she should reach for Illyana’s hand. Hand-holding was a regular thing for them, but Illyana’s hand was folded across her body to be closer to the popcorn on Sam’s lap, so if Kitty reached all the way over it’d be way too noticeable, right? If Sam looked over at her reaching her for ‘Yana’s hand Kitty would have to phase through the floor (again) to avoid talking about it, and then she’d be in Xavier’s study, and phasing in on the Professor is not an experience she’d like to repeat. But she also wants to hold Illyana’s hand. This is a total Kobayashi Maru situation, this is exactly why she should be paying attention when Ororo does her leader thing, those are valuable lessons exactly for this scenario and--

Illyana, who has apparently noticed Kitty’s intense staring for the past five minutes, just grabs her hand. Fingers slightly greasy from the handfuls of popcorn she’d been grabbing, ‘Yana tucks their clasped hands in between the two of them, hiding them from sight. The whole maneuver was smooth and casual. Why didn’t Kitty just do that? 

They spend the rest of the episode sneaking glances at each other over their hidden hands; it feels private and intimate and Kitty really hopes she’s not giving it away by going bright red. When Magnum’s adventures are done for the week and the rest of the gang starts giving their obligatory analysis of the plot, Illyana stands and announces her fatigue, telling Kitty to hurry up so they can go to bed. Immediately consumed with thoughts of being alone with her newly-minted girlfriend, Kitty gets up so fast she slaps the popcorn right out of Sam’s lap. Boy, he’s not happy about that. 

Despite how badly she wants to escape to the privacy of her room with Illyana, Kitty agrees to stay behind and help clean up all the popcorn. 

______

 

By the time Kitty makes it to their room, Illyana’s already changed into her pajamas, apparently not lying about being tired. She’s sprawled out on Kitty’s bed, eyes already closed. Kitty moves to jump onto the mattress beside her, but hesitates at the last second. Sure, they’ve shared beds before, but not in this context. Is this too huge of a leap forward? Kitty’s about to freak out for the second time tonight when she thinks back to Illyana’s nonchalant hand holding. She’d been cool and confident about it, so if Kitty can just channel that, she can probably pass off the bed sharing as something more innocent if ‘Yana thinks its weird. Pleased with her own quick thinking, Kitty casually jumps up on the bed, and promptly smashes her elbow into Illyana’s stomach. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry--oh, fuck--are you okay?” Kitty stammers as Illyana rolls off the bed, coughing. She leans down to help Illyana up, the other girl takes her hand but uses it to pull Kitty down onto the floor with her. They just lay there, sprawled on the ground with their hands still together, for what felt like hours but must’ve only been a minute. Kitty doesn’t ever want to get up; content to spend the rest of her life looking up at the ceiling and holding hands with this girl. 

Eventually, the moment passes, and Illyana stands up again. After a second, Kitty follows her, but leaves the weight of her anxiety behind on the floor as she joins Illyana on the bed.   
“You know, I’ve felt so awkward recently.” Illyana whispers as Kitty leans against her shoulder. “I don’t know what to do or when to do it, I keep worrying I’ll mess this all up.” 

Kitty snorts, unable to help it. “You thought you were gonna mess this up? I’ve been convince I’m gonna mess it up. You were the one being all suave and smooth and confident.” 

“I’m so glad I passed that off as confidence.” 

“You should win an Oscar for that.” 

They lapse into a hesitant silence, until Kitty runs her fingers through Illyana’s hair and leans in to kiss her. Kitty hasn’t lived a very long life, but she’s sure that kissing Illyana is the best thing she’ll ever experience. From the noise she makes, Illyana agrees. She reaches up to grab the front on Kitty’s shirt and pulls the other girl down until she’s laying on the bed with Kitty hovering above her. Kitty stares down into her eyes, flustered and blissful. Illyana grins back at her. 

“Hey,” Illyana suddenly says, her grin slipping into something more serious.“Do you want to tell the others? You know, about this?” 

Kitty hesitates. She knows that the others care about her more than anything, but that doesn’t stop her from worrying over how they might react. She doesn’t think she could hold it together if they were against this. Frowning, she asks Illyana “Are you okay with telling everyone? What if they say something bad about it?” 

Illyana stares back steadily. “They might. And we might have to listen to Scott Summers give a talk on ‘being safe’ and subsequently die of awkwardness. But we’d also get to stop sneaking around and feeling awkward and, I don’t know, I just want to be able to hold your hand all the time.” 

‘Yana rolls them over until it’s her leaning down over Kitty, her hair hanging down and tickling Kitty’s neck. “I’m not ashamed of this,” she says, “And if you don’t want to tell them, I’m totally fine with that. I just want you to know that if you do, I’ll be here.” 

Kitty reaches up and cups her face, and looking up into the eyes of the girl Kitty’s pretty sure she’s 100% in love with, she says, “Let’s tell them. Why should we not?” 

Then she pulls Illyana down, and neither of them do much talking after that. 

______

The next morning, as she’s sitting down at the breakfast table in her usual spot beside Ororo, Kitty reaches over--above the table--and laces her fingers through Illyana’s. Xi’an figures it out immediately, and gives Kitty a smile. Piotr, who was in the know, gives her a thumbs-up. Over the course of the meal, everyone else puts it together, and at some point gives the two of them a smile or a pat on the back. Kitty is absolutely elated at the fact that now, there’s nothing to stop her from doing this every day. She gives ‘Yana’s hand a gentle squeeze, and earns a little peck on the cheek in reply. It’s absolutely perfect. 

It gets somewhat less perfect when Scott clears his throat and says, “So, uh. Safety.”

**Author's Note:**

> so this little series has been heavily inspired by my own experiences, and this fic right here is happening in pretty much real time for me. in between writing that last fic and this one, i asked out a girl! she said yes! and i immediately didn't know what to do. so, here you have kitty doing pretty much what i'm in the middle of doing. its teen lesbian solidarity. 
> 
> also big <3 to everyone who read or bookmarked or gave kudos to my last fic, id die for you


End file.
